


pulse

by blueschist



Series: post-canon edoryo stories [4]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: Blackmail, But Only a Little Bit - Freeform, Gen, Getting Together, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts, Threats of blackmail, Trauma, but its like. pre getting together., parties but not the fun kind, the networking kind of parties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:42:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27903163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueschist/pseuds/blueschist
Summary: Forced to attend yet another industry event for professional duelists and the like, Ryo encounters more than a few familiar faces, some welcome and some... not.Takes place 4 years before others in the series.
Relationships: Marufuji Ryou | Zane Truesdale/Edo Phoenix | Aster Phoenix
Series: post-canon edoryo stories [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2044756
Comments: 14
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [i don't know  
>  what i fear the most  
>  what i am  
>  or what i'm not  
>  the chemistry  
>  of a fallen soul  
>  that being broken  
>  is what makes it whole](https://youtu.be/Do9pERf01mY)
> 
>   
> this story takes place 4 years before the previous stories, in 2012  
> in terms of the narrative, i think time machine should be read before this one. but again, reading the other stories in the series is not necessary. they all occur in the same timeline, but it's not like you'll miss anything if you decide to skip around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning for: past trauma, the nature of which is not specified but can be interpreted as sexual, blackmail regarding said trauma, said trauma being used as blackmail material, threats regarding said trauma, etc etc. yes this takes place at a professional duelist networking event

Ryo hated events like these. Oh, he liked parties all right, but at parties you were usually surrounded by people you could at least tolerate, the lights were dimmer, and the music was so loud you had an excuse to not really talk to anyone. _This_ was not a party. _This_ was a horrible industry event designed specifically to make people like Marufuji Ryo uncomfortable. Oh, and for networking with other pro duelists and sponsors and stakeholders and shit.

Ryo had two methods for getting through these evenings: 1) consume as much alcohol as he possibly could without getting visibly drunk, and 2) let Sho do all the talking. Sho was good at talking, way better at it than Ryo was. Ryo was really good at not talking. It was kind of his thing.

Sparkling wine wasn’t really his thing either, he preferred various types of fruit-flavored cocktails — especially if they were blue or purple, those colors just tasted _better_ for some reason — but obviously they weren’t gonna serve that kind of drink at an event like this, since anything that was loaded with such unnatural levels of food dye wasn’t professional. Which was stupid.

Ryo finished his third glass of wine and left his brother to search for more. Sho usually refrained from drinking at events like these, probably because he knew Ryo would make him do all the socializing. So it fell squarely on Ryo, as the older brother, to drink enough for the both of them. 

He scanned the crowd, hoping not to see anyone he knew. Several times at these events there’d been people he recognized from his time dueling in cage matches, which only strengthened his theory that the pro leagues existed partially to funnel naïve, unlucky duelists into the underground. While the patrons and facilitators of those back-alley duels had been masked, Ryo was capable of drawing conclusions based on things like voice, height, and body type. The chairman of Japan’s pro league and his wife, for example, had been regulars down there. 

And these were just the people he _recognized_. How many more were part of it that he _didn’t_?

Ryo exchanged his empty glass for a new one, and set off to locate his brother in the sea of people, hopefully none of which wanted to speak with him.

He wove through the crowd back to where he’d last seen his brother, stopping to smile and politely wave to people he only somewhat knew. He finally spotted his brother’s teal hair, and only vaguely registered that Sho was having a conversation. 

As he got closer, he began to notice details about the person Sho was talking to. Prominent nose, brown hair cropped close to the skull, wire frame glasses. These features each registered separately in Ryo’s mind, as if trying to keep him from recognizing this person. Then his brain slotted all the pieces together. 

Ryo knew this man.

“Sho!” 

He quickly crossed the short distance to where his brother stood, grabbing him by the shoulder. Sho turned to look at Ryo, and in that brief moment Ryo’s eyes met those of Mr Saruyama, his former manager and the man who facilitated Ryo’s breakdown several years earlier.

“What? What is it?”

Sho’s voice brought Ryo back into the present, and he realized that he hadn’t actually thought this far. He came up with something quickly: “Family emergency. Mom uh… set grandma on fire. Again. Very urgent. Come with me.” Sho looked confused, but was unable to protest as Ryo quickly led him to a more secluded part of the venue, only giving Mr Saruyama a brief glance as he walked away.

“What the hell?”

Oh. Yeah. Ryo hadn’t thought _this_ far, either. “Uh.”

“Mom set grandma on fire?” said Sho incredulously. “Didn’t we get her cremated?”

“That’s why I said ‘again.’ If you had just _listened_ —”

“What is this actually about?”

“Uh.” Ryo’s heart was racing. “I… That guy you were talking to… I don’t— You shouldn’t associate with him.”

Sho rolled his eyes. “I’m an adult, I’m perfectly capable of deciding for myself who I talk to. Besides, he just came up and started talking at me. He’s not the type of person I’d choose to talk to. I’m not an idiot. I can tell when someone’s full of shi—”

“This isn’t a joke, Sho!”

“And I’m not treating it like one. That guy’s obviously sketchy. I’m not stupid enough to believe anything someone like that says to me.”

Ryo nodded, still breathing heavily. He felt strangely lightheaded about it all.

“Wait, Ryo, are you _shaking_?”

“No!”

“Are you OK?” Sho suddenly came to a conclusion: “Did that guy _do_ something to you?!”

“No!” Ryo replied forcefully. Calming down, he continued: “No, I’m fine.”

Sho didn’t look convinced. “Okay… Just let me know if you need anything, or want to leave, or something.”

Ryo nodded. 

“ _Will you?_ I’m serious, Ryo. If you don’t feel comfortable _tell me_.”

“I will, I will.”

Sho left to catch up with Manjoume, but Ryo remained where he was, feeling bewildered. His whole life he’d thought of Sho as the naïve one of the two of them. Sho, who was anxious and afraid of confrontation… but whose anxiety made him savvy and who understood social situations far better than Ryo ever could. Had Ryo been the naïve one this whole time? What separated him from others, that he couldn't sense a stranger’s intentions no matter how hard he tried? Sho’s lack of confidence led him to be naturally suspicious, and that kept him safe. Ryo had been (and admittedly still was) arrogant, and he wouldn’t exactly consider himself _trusting_ , but he’d always taken people at their word, and _that_ had been his tragic flaw.

He breathed deeply, trying to rid himself of his misplaced worry for his younger brother. Then he saw Saruyama approaching in his periphery.

He had to get out. The venue had a courtyard. If he could make it out there, nothing bad would happen. That’s what he told himself. Outside was Safe. The room felt hot, the exit was about twenty paces away. He focused on the glass doors and saw nothing else until he was outside in the cool night air. Breathing was suddenly so much easier now that he could see the sky.

“What was _that_ about?”

Ryo startled, nearly jumping out of his skin. He was stupid to think the courtyard would be safe and now he was cornered, the exit now blocked by Mr. Sa—someone. The voice was all different, not at all what Ryo remembered Saruyama sounding like, and the realization made him feel a bit better as he turned around to face the interloper.

It was just Edo Phoenix. Ryo spoke carefully, not wanting Edo to hear the panic still in his voice: “I didn’t know you were at this event.”

“Um yeah, of course I am? Not like I had much choice, the Senrigan group is one of my biggest sponsors…” Edo trailed off. “The real question is why were _you_ dashing out of the hall like a madman. You actually shoved me out of the way! I almost spilled my drink!”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t see you. I wasn’t… paying attention.”

Edo hadn’t seemed to pick up on Ryo’s anxiety, which was now rapidly fading. “Well, I figured I might as well come and see what that was all about.” He shrugged. “It’s been a while since we talked, y’know? Haven’t seen you since—”

Ryo knew what came next: “...Since we died.”

Edo nodded. “Yeah. Since that. You were dead for longer, though.”

“I guess if you could call it that, yeah, I was.”

“You never tried to contact me,” Edo said, voice bitter, “not a single person even thought to tell me. No, I had to learn about it in a casual conversation with fucking _Johan_. I didn’t think you really knew Johan all that well, yet he was somehow more in the loop about you than I was?”

“Edo, I’m sorry. Really.”

“Stop apologizing, it’s not like you.”

“I really am sorry though. It’s just— You know about all the, um, medical issues, right?”

“Vaguely.”

“I was really sick. I was out of commission for nearly a year. I couldn’t… I barely had the energy to be alive, Edo. I guess I just assumed… I thought you would find out, or that Sho would tell you.”

Edo spoke quietly: “I assumed nobody told me because you didn’t _want_ me to know,” he stated, “so I didn’t reach out.”

Ryo smirked at how similar they were. “I assumed you never tried to contact or visit me because you finally decided you hated me and never wanted to see me again.”

Edo laughed; it was a dry, sarcastic laugh, different from the one Ryo was familiar with. “That is… _so_ typical. Wow. I can’t believe… We are so dumb.” 

Ryo smiled. “We might be too alike for our own good.”

“Maybe,” Edo said, “but here we are.”

They stood in comfortable silence for a moment, not needing to speak to feel at ease around one another.

Edo was the one to break the quiet: “Listen, I’m gonna top up my drink, you want me to get you anything?”

“Water’s fine; I’m done drinking for the night,” Ryo said, because he was.

He watched Edo retreat into the building then turned his gaze to the stars. A gentle breeze kicked up, rustling the surrounding trees, enough noise to conceal the quiet footsteps that approached behind him.

“Well, if it isn’t the Kaiser.” Ryo immediately recognized the slick voice of the man now standing next to him. “Did your family emergency work itself out? Your grandmother was, what was it, set on fire?”

A shiver traveled down Ryo’s spine and he stiffened his shoulders involuntarily. “She managed to put herself out.”

“That’s good to hear!" Saruyama said affably. "You’ve been doing quite well for yourself. Your brother, too.”

“You’ll have nothing to do with my brother!” Ryo growled. “You’ll stay away if you know what’s good for you.”

“Oh, and what is it you’re gonna do, go to the authorities? You don’t even know my real name!” He laughed. “I’ve got video, Kaiser. You remember, don’t you?”

Ryo bit down on the inside of his mouth. He turned to face away from Saruyama.

“I just wanted to give you a little reminder. See if you remember our agreement. You don’t snitch, these tapes stay private.”

He grit his teeth. “Yes. I remember.”

Saruyama leant into Ryo’s space and spoke: “I may have pulled you from the gutter, but I could just as easily drag you back. You’d do well to keep that in mind.”

Saruyama then stepped away, hand remaining on Ryo’s shoulder, his thumb digging into flesh. “Of course, we wouldn’t mind having you back. A duelist of your caliber…”

“I can’t,” Ryo said quickly.

“Yes, yes, your medical condition. I’ve heard all about it. How sad. We could always work out something where you wouldn’t have to duel so often.”

“I think I’m good.”

Saruyama squeezed his shoulder; Ryo tried not to wince. “Your mom works at a high school, correct? I think my nephew might be a student there... And I think I recall you saying your dad was a college professor of some sort?”

Suddenly lightheaded, Ryo had the overwhelming urge to throw up, or throw himself into traffic… whichever came first. He swallowed.

“Not that I would ever think about sending them anything! I’m not _that_ kind of person…”

At that moment, Edo reappeared, holding a glass of water in one hand and a champagne flute in the other. “Am I interrupting something?” he said cheerily.

“Oh no, we were just discussing business. I was just leaving,” Saruyama said. Ryo remained silent.

Edo raised an eyebrow. “I don’t believe I’ve met you. How do you know Ryo?”

Saruyama turned to leave. “We’re acquaintances. Think about what I said, Kaiser, my offer still stands,” he said before going back inside and shutting the door behind him.

Ryo really was going to throw up. He pulled his coat tighter around himself.

“Who the hell was that? Looked like your old manager. What’d he want?”

“It’s not important, Edo.”

Edo regarded him incredulously. “You sure? You seem—”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Ryo bit out.

Edo handed him a glass. “Okay, well uh, here’s your water.”

“I changed my mind,” Ryo said, “I need a vodka soda right now.”

“Don’t think they have anything as hard as vodka. C’mon, let’s sit down,” he said, pointing his head towards a nearby bench.

As they talked, Ryo found himself leaning in, subconsciously scooting closer and closer until his thigh was flush with Edo’s and their shoulders touched. Maybe the alcohol from earlier was finally hitting him, because Ryo felt unusually warm even in the cool night air.

Edo stopped talking when Ryo’s phone buzzed. “Seems my brother is looking for me,” he said.

“So let him look,” Edo replied.

Ryo put his phone back in his pocket. “You say that, but he worries a lot about me. My whole family does. He might just get together a search party to find me.” 

“Considering your track record they’re probably justified.”

“Shut up. But yeah. I don’t… blame them for it.”

Now it was Edo’s turn to glance at his phone. “Ugh. Seems I’ve got people looking for me, too. Saiou can be real annoying sometimes.”

“Saiou, he’s your…?”

“Manager.”

“Ah.”

“We’re pretty much family, though. I met him at my dad’s funeral, him and his sister were at the cemetery for someone else. We all ended up in the same foster home a couple months later, completely by chance.”

“Oh, that’s uh, fortunate?” Ryo said awkwardly, unsure of his word choice. ‘Fortunate’ sure was a way to put it, huh.

Edo glared at his phone screen, rapidly typing away at a message. “Ugh, seriously, it’s too late in the evening to talk business with people I barely know.”

“Actually,” Ryo said, “it’s morning. One AM.”

“Fine then, you nitpicky asshole. It’s too early in the _morning_ to talk business with people.”

They continued talking for several minutes longer, which was when Sho found them

Sho admonished his brother: “So this is where you’ve been? I’ve been looking for you.”

Ryo just shrugged in response.

“Usually when these things start winding down you’re the first to insist on leaving,” Sho said.

“It’s finally over?”

“A lot of people have already left, yeah.” Sho looked towards Edo. “I think Saiou’s been looking for you, too.”

Edo stood up and dusted off his slacks. “I know,” Edo replied.

“I meant to say hi to you earlier, but I kind of got caught up in something else. Sorry.”

“It’s alright. There’s always later.”

Ryo got up to follow Sho back into the venue.

“Hey, wait,” Edo said. “I have some downtime before I go back home.”

“To the States?”

“Yeah. So if you’re free, we could— here, just give me your number and I’ll message you.”

Ryo took the offered phone and entered his contact information before handing it back.

“I’ll message you,” Edo repeated as they both left.

The brothers had barely gotten to their apartment when Ryo’s phone buzzed. 

_**unknown:** _   
_Hey, it’s Edo, you awake? :)_

_**Ryo:** _   
_yeah_

_**unknown:** _   
_we can continue our conversation from earlier_

Ryo saved the number into his contacts.

_**Ryo:** _   
_this might be a strange request. can you message me in english?_

_**Edo:** _   
_?_

_**Ryo:** _   
_i'd like to duel internationally, and while speaking/understanding english isn’t necessary, i think it would be useful_

_**Edo:** _   
_Okay. don’t think i’ve ever heard you speak it, aside from a few scattered words here and there_

_**Ryo:** _   
_i’ve been practicing these past few years. had to have something to do while i was mostly bedridden and drifting in and out of consciousness. most of what i knew before that was from…. listening to western metal albums_

**_Ryo:  
_ ** _i still wouldn't consider myself 'conversational'_

_**Edo:** _   
_western like cowboys or western like america and europe_

_**Edo:  
** also i doubt you could be considered 'conversational' in any language. you don't say much_

_**Ryo:** _   
_shut up. western as in not asian. mostly stuff from norway, sweden, and finland. a lot of those bands sing in english._

_**Edo:** _   
_so you basically learned english like… third-hand. sounds efficient_

_**Edo:** _   
_whatever. fine, I’ll type in english then. **How’s this?**_

_**Ryo:** _   
_:)_

_**Edo:  
** n e way, I have a bit of free time before I go back to the states, wanna hang out? ;) _

_**Ryo:** _   
_whats neway_

_**Edo:** _   
_It’s a shortened way to write ‘anyway’. N E way_

_**Ryo:** _   
_oh!!!!! i see_

_**Edo:  
** So. anyway. tomorrow? _

_**Ryo:  
** isn't that a little early? its 2am right now nd i barely just got home… _

_**Edo:** _   
_I’m not saying we should meet at 8 or anything fucked up like that. I’m not a monster, Ryo. I mean in the afternoon, like normal people._

_**Ryo:** _   
_i don't think either of us really count as ‘normal people,’ edo_

_**Edo:  
** Since we’re talking in english, you can just spell it Ed, y’know. no need to keep writing my name the other way. _

_**Ryo:  
** okay then, ed _

Ryo looked up from his phone just as the sky started to lighten. _Ohhh fuck,_ he thought. Had he really lost track of time that badly?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a continuation over last chapter’s warnings. ryo engages in victim blaming behavior towards himself. this is normal for many who have experienced trauma, and is not an indictment against anyone who has experienced such events.

Ryo’s internal clock was the type to wake him at 6am, every day, without fail. It was great for the times he had things to do in the morning, not so for the times he was out late the night before. Even the nights he wasn’t out late, he was still the type of person to habitually stay up until anywhere from 12 to 2 am. He often compromised with himself by getting up at 6, putting pants on, and immediately getting back in bed to sleep for a random number of hours.

He woke up this morning wondering why he felt like total garbage, but then remembered the stupid fucking meet n greet or whatever that he was forced to go to. He also remembered that he drank four glasses of fancy wine in half as many hours, which wasn’t really a problem since it was free and he’d also had water.

Oh, and that he’d been threatened by his former manager. Couldn’t forget _that_ detail. Ryo had tried to convince himself that he’d put all that stuff behind him, but he hadn’t anticipated it would follow him. He didn’t anticipate they would try to use his family as leverage.

It’s not that he thought Saruyama would actually _do_ something like that. But there was the possibility. And that possibility terrified him.

But first— where was his fucking phone? He scrambled around as best he could without actually moving his body, trying to feel for where it was on the bed. When that proved fruitless, he sat up and looked around. The damn thing had to be somewhere around here. It’s not like he would have thrown it.

He looked down. Oh. It was on the floor. It must’ve fallen down during the night. He probably needed to charge it.

_**Ed:** _   
_Maybe I was too hasty in making plans. i feel like shit_

_**Ryo:** _   
_hung over?_

Ryo thought about what he wanted to say. He’d actually been kind of… excited? about seeing Edo today, and was a little disappointed by this news. It had been a while since they hung out, not since being in that dark world where they’d literally spent all their time together. It was kind of a strange thing, to go from seeing someone every day to not seeing them at all.

_**Ryo:** _   
_we can just hang out at my place?_

It was just— he hadn’t really had anyone to talk to like this since Fubuki moved to California to be closer to his sister. He had Sho but… Sho was his brother and roommate and was kind of obligated to be his friend because of that. And even then, it was only recently that they could be considered as such.

Even before Fubuki moved, there had been a distance between them since… since Ryo had come back from the underground dueling circuit. Ryo tried, but he just couldn’t be the same person he was before all that. He still found it easy to exist around Fubuki, but underneath that there was unease and shame.

Ryo was ashamed. Ashamed that he’d allowed that first loss to affect him so deeply, ashamed over the way he’d treated his friends and family afterwards, ashamed over what had happened to him in the underground. Ashamed that _he’d let it happen._ It was hard looking at Fubuki, whom he’d known literally since the day he was born, and not being the person Fubuki’d always seen him as. Fubuki had gone through horrifying ordeals of his own during the two years he’d been missing, yet he’d emerged as himself—cheerful, steadfast, unbroken, his outlook remaining unchanged. Ryo’s own ordeal had left him shattered, angry, and empty, lashing out at anyone and everyone that tried to help.

Being with Fubuki now it felt — it made Ryo feel like he was failing to be the person his best friend had always believed he could be. It was hard to put the dissonance into words. When Fubuki looked at him, he still saw the old Ryo. But the old Ryo was gone, and the present version didn’t know how to tell Fubuki that the friend he loved just didn’t exist anymore. And he felt guilty for being unable to tell Fubuki why that was.

There were just some things that Ryo could never disclose to anyone.

Which was why, years ago, his friendship with Edo had initially come into being: Edo didn’t really know what Ryo was like before, had very little to compare the current Ryo to. Ryo didn’t feel the need to explain why he was different, what had made him change. He didn’t need to measure up to his old self. With the people he knew before, there was always that question, that expectation.

_**Ed:  
** Give me a few more hours_

_**Ryo:** _   
_sure. try drinking some water._

-

“Hey! Asshole! Someone’s here to see you.”

“Tell them I’m not ready,” Ryo said. He was in the middle of tracing his lower eyelid with black liner.

Sho groaned. “You’re not even going anywhere, why are you putting on eyeliner?”

Dropping his hand, Ryo looked at his brother. “I can’t believe you would ask me that. It’s about the _aesthetic_ , Sho. I have an image to maintain.” He gestured at the mirror. “Now look what you’ve done, your attitude just made me mess up. Now I’m gonna take even longer.”

Ryo swore he could hear Sho rolling his eyes. “You are so vain.”

“Oh nooo, you hurt my feelings, now it’s gonna take even longer.”

“Cut it.”

Ryo finished up and headed to the door. As he’d guessed, it was Edo waiting for him, but something was off. “Wait. Sho, stand up straight.”

“I _am_ ,” Sho responded, rolling his eyes again.

“You and Edo stand back to back.”

“Wait, what?” Edo said. “Why? What’s this for?”

“I just need you to do it.”

“Fine,” Edo said, turning around and backing up so his back was pressed to Sho’s.

“Oh my god. Sho is taller than you.”

Edo whipped around. “What?!”

Ryo clapped a hand over his mouth. “Sho got taller than you!”

“No way he is. I don’t believe it. I refuse to believe it.”

“Huh. Wait a minute,” Sho said. “My eye level is at your forehead now. Weird.”

“We need an impartial third party to judge this properly,” said Edo.

Ryo leant against the doorframe. “Afraid to face the facts, Mr Phoenix?”

“I just want to make sure we’re getting all of them first, Mr Marufuji.”

“Oh good god,” Sho groaned. “I’m gonna get going. See you later, don’t do anything stupid or weird, and especially don’t do anything stupid or weird in the common areas of the apartment. _Please_.”

“I’ll definitely try,” Ryo said as Sho left.

“So…” began Edo.

“So.”

“You live with your brother?”

“Our parents don’t want me living alone.”

“What? They can’t trust you to keep yourself alive?” Edo joked.

“That’s exactly it,” said Ryo.

“Oh.”

“I’m surprised to see you dressed like a normal person; you look fairly decent in casual wear.”

“Thanks. You look like an animate trash bag, as per usual.”

“I’m a trash bag with style.” Ryo led Edo into the apartment. “You get back to your hotel room ok last night?”

“No, I got in a car wreck and died. I’m actually a ghost right now.”

“I thought you looked a little pale.”

“Excuse me? You think _I_ look pale? You look like someone who has never seen the sun in their entire life and you’re calling _me_ pale?”

“I burn easily, okay?”

Edo took a seat on the couch, leaning back. “There’s something I don’t understand,” he said, “why are you so worried about dueling internationally?”

“What do you mean?”

“I just don’t see why you haven’t already,” Edo explained, “Americans _love_ you.”

This took Ryo by surprise. “What?!”

“Your duels are hugely popular in Europe and the Americas. They love the whole goth boy thing you have going. You seriously didn’t know that?”

“No! Why would I know that?”

“They also find your whole shitty attitude thing _charming_ for some reason. ”

“O-oh.”

“You’ve basically become some sort of cult fashion icon. There are blogs dedicated to cataloguing what you wear for your duels.”

“That’s—”

“Are you blushing?”

“No! I just— I didn’t expect any of that…”

“Anyway, I’m just saying that if you do want to duel internationally, it’s not gonna be as difficult as you’re making it out to be. You already have a following overseas. I honestly don’t understand why you haven’t already.”

Truth was, Ryo didn’t care about international fame or whatever. He just wanted to duel, and he just wanted to do it _anywhere but Japan_. But that didn’t mean he didn’t find it flattering that people across the globe enjoyed watching Hell Kaiser, that insane, over-the-top version of himself he played up for the audience, duel.

His most recent encounter with Saruyama made one thing abundantly clear: he couldn’t feel safe here. Not that he’d felt safe before, not when he knew how intimately the underground duel circuit was connected to Japan’s official league. He didn’t expect things to be any less corrupt in other countries, but at least overseas he had never personally been a victim to it.

“Sooner rather than later,” he replied.

“Saiou always handles that stuff for me; if you want I can put you in touch?”

“I don’t want to be a bother.”

“It’s fine, he’s been looking to take on other talent. Wait, you probably already have a manager, don’t you?”

“Oh no, not really. I’m actually kind of between managers right now. Well. She died, that’s what I mean.”

“That’s… wild.”

“Yeah, uh. Funeral was awkward. That’s all I’m gonna say about it.”

“Well then!” Edo said, clapping his hands together, obviously eager to change the subject, “I’m sure you didn’t invite me over to talk business.”

“I only invited you because you were too hungover to do anything else.”

“I wasn’t hungover,” Edo insisted.

“Sure. I believe you,” Ryo said, “Really, I just thought we could talk. Doesn’t matter about what.”

There was a lull in conversation as Ryo figured out how to word his next statement without it sounding weird or needy. “Truth is, I uh, I missed talking to you, Edo. We spent so much time in that other world stuck with just each other, and then… not.”

“Yeah…” said Edo, who looked away, “I… yeah. Same here. But then I was told you’d died for real, so I just accepted it and went on with my life.” He shrugged. “What else could I do?”

“I had a lot of time to come to terms with my own death. I’m sorry I didn’t let you know.”

“I mean, I figured out that you were sick. You weren’t exactly good at hiding it. I just didn’t predict you would, y’know, die about it.”

“Yeah... But then I suddenly wasn’t dead, and I didn’t know what to do. I had given up all my plans for the future.” Ryo frowned. “I still really don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I didn’t think I’d make it here.”

Ryo didn’t think he was actively suicidal anymore. He still thought about it. He thought about it all the time. He even thought about ways to do it. Didn’t mean he wanted to die.

“I guess what I mean is that I’m glad I get to talk to you again,” he finished.

There was a part of Ryo, small and mostly inaudible, that insisted on living. A part of his brain that _wanted_ to have hope for the future. A part that told him that, if he could just wait it out, maybe things wouldn’t be so bad. What he dreaded the most was _getting_ there.

“Wow. I wasn’t expecting you to get all sentimental…” Edo mumbled.

“I am not getting sentimental. I have three emotions maximum and you know it.”

“Excuse me? I lived with you for what, five months? I counted at least _sixteen_ separate emotions.”

“I wasn’t aware you were paying that much attention.”

“In such a dreary landscape what else was there to look at?”

Ryo felt a stab of warmth spread through his abdomen. “Oh,” he said, “You… oh.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Edo said quickly. “I just meant it like— ugh, forget it.”

The warm feeling inside Ryo did not go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> implication of a minor detail in this story is that, while in the narration of these stories I refer to him as "Edo", I really do think his name is actually just "Ed." I mean, he's pretty much coded as a white guy so yeah. I refer to him with the japanese spelling because, well, that's what most of us are used to, but I do have other characters call him Ed sometimes. most of the characters are japanese, so they're gonna pronounce his name as "edo" depending on their background with the english language. so that's why you see me use both spellings.
> 
> ANYWAY i’d like to expand on how ryo and edo get together in this universe, but i am not sure if i want to do it by adding chapters to THIS story or if i want to write other stories detailing that. we’ll see lmao
> 
> please leave feedback, even if its just a “i lov this” or “u suck lol.” your reviews and kudos fuel me. i love attention

**Author's Note:**

> so if you haven't noticed, all the stories are named after songs. i link the songs in the notes at the beginning. if you are inclined, give them a listen. 
> 
> thanks for reading. i appreciate any and all feedback. even if you wanna tell me my writing sucks, i'm down for that. if you want to leave a critique, or ask about narrative choices, i love that. or even if you want to ask about my original work, that's cool too. i'm currently sending out several pieces to various magazines and journals, so cross your fingers and send your magic brain-vibes that someone picks up my stories.
> 
> N E way, please comment, leave kudos, etc. thanks for reading.


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